


Stand Where I Stood

by blazeofglory



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Multi, and past relationships, mentions of past companions, written before The Time of the Doctor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-26
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-06 04:34:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1102462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blazeofglory/pseuds/blazeofglory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clara asks about the companions that came before her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stand Where I Stood

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't list any relationships, but there are mentions of: Rose/Ten2, Mickey/Martha, Ten/Jack, Amy/Rory, and Amy/Rory/Eleven, and a touch of one-sided Clara/Eleven. But none of them are the focus of the story.

When Clara asks, it’s part curiosity and part hope. She doesn’t expect a straight answer, and she certainly doesn’t expect the response that she gets. 

There are ghosts in his eyes. She knows this much: he doesn’t want to talk about this. But she thinks that maybe he needs to. Maybe it’ll help, just a little, with all those sad eyes when he thinks she isn’t looking and the bedroom doors that look well-used but won’t open. 

So she asks. She asks him about his other companions, who they were, what happened to them, did he ever fall in love?

And he smiles a familiar, sad smile that she’s always hated to see on his face. She wonders how many of those companions are dead now.

They sit down in the comfy couches in the library and he tells her their stories.

“After the Time War, I regenerated,” he begins in a quiet voice, staring down at his hands clasped tightly in his lap. Clara aches to touch him, soothe him, but she keeps her distance. She knows this isn’t about her; it’s about the memories. “I met Rose Tyler. Bad Wolf. She was so young when we met…So was I. And she was absolutely beautiful. Saved the universe a few times.”

His voice is fond and Clara can’t help but feel a little jealous. “Did you and her-- were you together?”

The Doctor glances up to meet her eyes, then back down. “No. We were so close, but… We ran out of time. She’s gone now, living in an alternate dimension with my clone…”

Without further prompting, he carries on, voice a little happier now. “She had a friend: Mickey. He ended up marrying another of my companions down the line… And there was someone else too.”

A shadow crosses his face and he stops for a moment. “Doctor?” Clara prompts.

He looks up, forcing a nonchalant smile. “Jack Harkness,” he continues right where he left off. “Captain Jack Harkness, that is. Me and him and Rose and Mickey traveled together a bit. He’s still out there somewhere, but I’m not sure we’ll ever meet again. Not sure he’d ever want to. Me and Jack… Something happened there once. Nothing serious, but we were comfortable with each other, Clara. Everything was easy. But everyone has to go in the end.”

Clara gives him a moment before asking who came next.

“Donna Noble,” he answers promptly, a rueful smile on his lips. “I met her once, defeated a giant spider, and then she went home. Then came Martha… We were good friends, the two of us. Never together like that, though, don’t give me that look. She came so soon after Rose, I couldn’t even entertain the thought. Martha really… She saw me at my worst, I’ll admit that. And I turned her into a weapon. She’s with Mickey now.”

“What happened to Donna?” 

“We met again, naturally,” he says easily. “She was a breath of fresh air, really kept me in line… But I didn’t-- I didn’t protect her. She’s still alive, don’t worry, but she’s not my Donna. She doesn’t remember me at all.”

Clara wants to ask; she wants to ask about all of them. She has a million questions. But now isn’t the time, she knows that much. It’s amazing enough that he’s even telling her this much. That faint feeling of jealousy has faded and now all she feels is something like pity, but not quite. Seeing the Doctor in such obvious pain hurts her almost as much as she knows talking about this is hurting him. There are condolences waiting on her lips when he continues on.

“After a messy situation with the only other Time Lord left, I regenerated… Donna’s grandad was actually there for that. Good ‘ol Wilf. I think-- yes, he’s dead now.” He swallows thickly, eyes dark and stormy. “After I regenerated, I crashed in a garden… And I met a little girl.”

 _Amy._ Clara knows the name, has heard it a few times, though the Doctor has never really talked about her. As she watches, he takes his glasses out of his jacket pocket and holds them gingerly in his hands. 

“Amelia Pond,” he says quietly, voice tinged with hurt more intense than before. The wound must still be fresh. “I came back for her what I thought was a few moments later, but ended up being years… She traveled with me for a while. _Years._ More than I got with so many others. Rory too. I was even there for their wedding.”

There was so much love in his voice when he’d said her name that Clara had assumed the Doctor and Amy had been in some sort of relationship, but now she reconsiders. 

He’s still holding those glasses. 

“You and Amy, were you…?”

The Doctor chuckles a bitter, regretful laugh. “I don’t know,” he answers in a slightly distressed voice. “She and Rory loved each other fiercely, Clara, and I loved them both… After a while, in a way, the three of us were together.” Tears well up in his eyes. “I didn’t protect them either.”

Clara dreads asking, but she has to. “Where are they now?”

“Dead,” he answers simply, voice flat. When he looks up again, his face is blank. “You know about River, and she’s gone too… And now there’s you.”

Maybe it’s the dread in the Doctor’s voice or the stories he’s just told, but something dark and terrifying settles low in Clara’s stomach. She looks down at her own hands, clenched in the fabric of her dress. _This can only end badly._


End file.
